I put so much energy into trying without any results. My world just keeps getting more dangerous, uncertain, painful... I'm having a hard time taking the fighting and yelling. The discontent...there is no making sense of the though process that is forced upon me but I am a logical person so I still try. The drugs have made him crazy...he's trying to kick them but is this reversible? He is paranoid and monitors my every move...thinks everyone is out to get him. He doesn't see how evil he has become and how he scares me....not the same man I married. The drugs have changed him. He keeps one step away from hitting me because he knows that's a line I wont let him cross...but he definitely sticks his toe over it just a little. All of my friends are scared that if I try to leave him he will kill me...the sad part is I can't honestly tell them that wouldn't happen. I get more frightened by the day and despise going home. I'm told that love shouldn't hurt...I've never known otherwise...I hurt because of it, I hate because of it, I disconnect because it might make it a little less painful...soon all hope WILL be gone...